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Presented by State Library Victoria

Poems I've written! (i was too shy to post them so here they are now)

OK Hello everyone! My name is Mel, i am from Australia and this is my first blog. Its probably really bad

like really bad

ANYWAY i decided to put some of my poems up here right now because i can. So i hope you enjoy!

 

Danger

It devours the forest up slowly

I watch the ash fall upon houses around us

People are making such a fuss

 

Danger

 

They creep up the trees and bushes

The sparks crackle in a frantic din

Destroying all the light within

 

Danger

 

Water splashing, cars driving

Houses burning, people crying

Pets are howling, they’re also dying

 

Danger

 

Flames dance and flicker

Pitch black smoke stabs through the sky

Destroying all the light

 

Danger

 

I stand on the red earth

Hands shaking, face as white as a ghost

It’s right in front of me

I step forward

 

Danger.

So thats one. And this is gonna be a really long page probably idk, so sorry

Why

I sit here on my bed

Tears flowing down my cheeks

Gun to my head

I’ve wanted to do this for weeks

 

Ever since our first kiss

I thought it would last

Our relationship was pure bliss

Did it go too fast?

 

But then he ended it all

He is the reason I’m here

He made the call

Now I’ll just disappear…

 

Um yea. thats it. No i am ok, dont worry. My friends will tell you i am a very cheerful person. i just hear about things like this on the news, and i usually write while my parents are watching the news. so i hear things, and the little lightbulb goes off saying INSPIRATION.

Ok have a good day everyone! c:

27 comments

bookwithbane

Way to break the ice ;P But really, great skills, look forward to seeing more from you

17th Mar, 19
unicornmel

oh wow, thank you so much! I hope to post more c:

17th Mar, 19
ellipsis

Nice! I love the 'Water splashing' stanza, great rhythm & rhyming

18th Mar, 19
unicornmel

thankyou! 😊

18th Mar, 19
chelcyg

These are really pretty, I really like them. I've always wanted to write poetry but am not very good with words, but I might give it a go because these are so nice and I'm here like wow I want to do this! :)

19th Mar, 19
unicornmel

omg thank you so much! i always hope to inspire people with my poems, and im so happy to see that happen! 😋

19th Mar, 19
lozza

Really good poem. I give you B+
Improvements:
-Delete all the "danger"s -- It sounds a bit weird with repetitive words.
(Sorry that I didn't include any positives because I believe that the best way to improve your writing is to only give feedback for the improvements.)

19th Mar, 19
betty

I agree with lozza... but i likd your're ryming.

19th Mar, 19
lozza

MASSIVE spelling errors betty!!!

19th Mar, 19
lozza

Anyway I like your work... keep it up!! I could give you some brilliant advice. Do you take contributors?

Just asking, if not Just SAY SO!

19th Mar, 19
lozza

Your second poem is good too.

19th Mar, 19
landox

Really good

19th Mar, 19
unicornmel

Wow that is a lot of comments in like 13 minutes
OK SO 1. thank you for the feedback i appreciate it as i always want to make my poems better
2. Yes i will take contributors (mostly because idek what they are im new ok! but like yea im fine with it)
3. Thank you for all the lovely comments! 😊

19th Mar, 19
indiaaqua

Could I contribute?

19th Mar, 19
unicornmel

In reply to indiaaqua

sure!

19th Mar, 19
indiaaqua

OwO Those are good :)

19th Mar, 19
unicornmel

thank you so much!

19th Mar, 19
jayay

Yay, go Mel!

(Also just saying about when Indi asked to contribute and you said sure-you have to add people as contributors for them to contribute in case you didn't realise that)

2nd Apr, 19
purplepanda

WOW!! I really like it. It is AMAZING!! Good job!

4th Apr, 19
unicornmel

omg thank you so much!

5th Apr, 19
smolnico

AHHHH THIS IS AMAZING! How do you write your poems so well! They're FABULOUS!

7th Apr, 19
unicornmel

aw thank you so much!
Um to how i write my poems so well....OH I CAN MAKE A BLOG POST ON THAT!
thanks for the inspiration!

7th Apr, 19
smolnico

In reply to unicornmel

No problem! I look forward to reading it, what your writing is fabulous!

7th Apr, 19
unicornmel

In reply to smolnico

c: thanks!

7th Apr, 19
danicraneger

Jeez, see Mel! Everything is fine, ur writing skills are hmmm, what's the word, ingenious! Can't wait to here more. Maybe we could start a Blog together on our poems? That would be fun! Get back to me as soon as possible. I'm sure working with you would be brilliant!

8th Apr, 19
unicornmel

aw thanks dani! starting a blog would be cool! txt me when you wanna start it up c:

8th Apr, 19
danicraneger

In reply to unicornmel

okiieee den!

9th Apr, 19